Finding Humble

This day like all other starts out with me waking at the crack of dawn, and fighting with my mind just to take a little nap before 7:30 AM. I hear as women get older, it is extremely  normal to have sleep problems. As normal as it is, it still sucks!

Every morning my brain wakes, but my body doesn't agree. It's a battle that frustrates me, and is making my mood increasingly foul. It leaves me feeling useless, but I know, keep fighting and pushing forward, and this too shall pass.

As I mentioned earlier, this seems to be a normal sleep pattern with older women. Well can't say that I think of myself as older, but it's true. "OLDER!",doesn't mean I like it. However, this is a problem I have always had. Can't sleep, always thinking. I have always had to do sleep therapy. Talking to myself, transporting my mind to somewhere that is quiet and serene. My place......the hammock in my old yard.

My hammock was in between two trees in the middle of my fern garden. That very same garden included our gazebo, and a play house for my grandchildren. I hung jewels in the trees that caught light, and sparkled, transporting my grand daughter into her fairy garden. It was magical. It was mine to be enjoyed any time I wanted, and I did.Lush and green, it was sweet and warm, inviting. Gentle fern curls all around with their mother plants cradling them in softness. Sunset was magical, with the jewels flickering color and light through out the green leaves of the trees. I swear, we hosted several families of fairies, and sometimes my Phalyn and I would leave out treats just so they knew we liked them there.

The smell of that garden is what I miss most. Always fragrant, with a light sweetness in the air that put you right at ease.It is a smell that can never be duplicated.

With a couple of bad decisions, and a wrong turn, it's all gone. I will never be able to enjoy that sweetness again.

As much as I loved that place, I have found a humbleness in my heart that wasn't there then. As beautiful as it was, I still really wasn't happy. I thought happiness was all about being right, and knowing I was on the path to having MORE.

I have learned through losing it all, I have more than just a beautiful shade garden. I have love for myself and the people around me. Learning to live in the moment, even with sleep problems. And even now, being considered an older woman, I am blessed just to be older. I appreciate every moment, frustrations and all. And above everything, I still have that memory of my hammock, sweet smells, and a gentle breeze, that help transport me to a place I can sleep.

By the way, I kept the chairs.