the I'm Sorry Note.

This is really an I'm sorry note, so reading this might be kind of boring for you.

There is a person from my past that I still miss from time to time. I miss the friendship, the vacation days, long drives down dirt roads, and the amazement of the life we took in.

My heart always skipped a beat when I was around them. The pure sight of them raised me 10 feet off the floor. The giggle of the mischief still makes me smile. But then it changed. The moments became eternity. The sound of your voice was horrid. All I heard were lies, all I saw was hurt.

I tried to overcome it, see your reasons, feel you want me. But I couldn't. It all fell apart, I fell apart. We fell apart.

I tried to listen as our plans got cancelled again and again, for ONE MORE, once in a lifetime trip. Entertaining your friends overnight, even if they were women. I know I should have understood that you were JUST FRIENDS. I really did try to understand.

The late nights, you'd stumble in drunk, only to wake up the next morning and ask me how you ended up at my house. But hey, you always said thanks and you loved me for taking care of you. Those words only left your lips as you were leaving. But I really did try to understand.

When you left me to go and find yourself, I tried to understand. You couldn't come back home, even to see me in ICU.. I really did try to understand.

When you couldn't understand that I had just had enough, I tried to understand.

But now, we live other lives. So completely different from what was. Now, I understand.

I am only sorry that I didn't understand earlier....I am so, so, sorry.

All in the Family

We have all had, been, or known a mother in law. Some are their child's betrothed best friend, some are tolerated, some are loved as an additional mom, and some, at times less than likable.

I am a mother in law. I hope, and also try to be very good to my daughter in law. I have failed along the way, but have tried really hard to learn from those failures. Let me just say, it's hard to share what was all yours for so many years, but you have to learn to let them be grown ups and live how they decide to live. Change is hard, but is also necessary. We as mothers just have to learn to be better at giving them the space they need. (I say as a tear drips down my face)

I have seen some mother in laws (my father's mother in law) that were despicable. I saw the hardships put upon people that were intolerable. I saw mother in laws who truly thought they were dictators and demanded everyone adhere. I've seen mother in laws speak so poorly of there son or daughters partners that you'd have thought their partners had to be criminals. We've all experienced some sort of monster in laws.

I've seen the ups, downs and in between of what should be family loving one another. As a mother in law myself, I'm guilty. I try to remind myself that these are the people my children chose, and I try very hard to understand that just because I may not find everything just so, they are happy. That's the important part. For that I will always be grateful.

I've been married a couple of times. My first mother in law, to this day, tells people I raped my husband and that's how we had a child. It used to bother me, but now, we all get a good laugh out of it. My mother in law now is difficult to say the least. I know she cares for me, but I also know that she does not like me. As a result of this difficult situation, I just keep my distance. Wanna know why?

Let's start a new paragraph for this little story, lol.

When my husband and I first met, we both had children and decided to blend our families. Wow what a disaster. My daughter was already out of the house and starting her own family so it was just my two boys and me. My husband has a daughter that is the same age as my oldest son. So we thought, blindly, that the situation would be, at least, promising. NOPE. My boys immediately like my husband and treated him with lots of respect and admiration. His daughter hated my guts and reminded me on a daily bases. His daughter hated all of us, so much in fact, we kept our own water supplies in our rooms, and would not drink or eat anything she had access to. Scary I know, but we kept trying. Nothing made her happy and we all know, misery loves company.

Time went by, and I found myself carting his daughter everywhere she wanted to go. I bought her cloths (that of course she hated), tried to cook meals that she would like, went to school meetings, I mean the list is extensive. Nothing worked.

In comes the mother in law. She came to our home(which was mine, they moved in with me) with Dukes mayo and tomato pie, that she quickly informed my children and me, were NOT for us to eat, but for her son and her granddaughter. Ok, I get it, but it didn't stop there. My children were never included in her Christmas's and she always wanted us there. I came to the realization it was just to show us who mattered to her, and who did not. It broke my kids hearts.I have to say, after 15 years, she finally includes them. Better late than never I suppose.

When my husband and I were actually married, we went to the justice of the peace and had a very small civil ceremony. We were happy with that, but his mom insisted that they would love to throw us a little party. We agreed and went to the party only to find my husbands ex wife and his old cake topper on OUR cake. That spoke volumes to me, and I have to say it is extremely hard for me to let that go.

Well on to like now. His daughter has grown up and married and has 2 children. She lives several states away, so we really don't see them much. However, her oldest child comes for a visit every summer and stays several weeks. Last year the visit was being discussed and I made mention that I had already made plans for the week she wanted to bring her and asked if it would be alright to wait toward the end of the week so that I would have time to be with her. It was all agreed upon, and then BOOM. My husbands mother and his daughter changed everything and because I found this VERY disrespectful, their answer to the problem was to ban me from seeing my granddaughter. She was literally 3 houses away and they would not let me talk to her or see her.

Moving on to this year. Again our granddaughter comes for a visit, only for us to find out she was self harming and going through a multitude of things. We ALL(including the mother in law) were very concerned for her. After talking to my husbands daughter, it all became a shit show. Per the usual, the mother in law decided that I was lying about my stepdaughter and decided to take sides. And we all know who's side she picked. Yep, so we haven't spoken in 2 weeks.

My husband is just as much to blame. He has NEVER stood up for me against the attacks. I am literally sick to death of all this unnecessary bull crap. But the problem here is no one EVER asks my side. They all jump on the band wagon and assume I am to blame. I never say any different. I keep my mouth shut, and just keep on keeping on. I am honestly about to loose my mind with an 80 something year old woman and my husbands daughter.  But I don't want to be that person. But after fifteen years of nothing but bullshit, I really don't know what else to do, but publish this.

So......here it is. and here's to all the mother in laws that are kind and even the one that aren't!