Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Wedding Planner???? To have, or NOT to have, THAT IS THE QUESTION

As you all are aware, I am a florist and have planned and executed weddings from all aspects. But, more times than not, a planner has been brought in on the wedding by girls who believe throwing away money because someone said to is a great idea. Not that I am apposed to all planners, but more times than not, they are horrible.

Something has gone terribly wrong in the world of wedding planning. The girls and women who are now showing up on the scene, lack manners, skill, and their ego's far surpass their abilities. I believe these girls are getting into the world of wedding planning because of a stupid movie that made it look glamorous. Well, there is NOTHING glamorous about planning the day for your bride. It is a lot of hard work, nerves of steel, and strategic planning for the unplanned! Being an asshole to other vendors does NOT make you look like you're smarter, it makes you look like a bitch that will surely make your name spread like wild fire because no one wants to work with you. There are 2 such planners on my list  to date.

Being in the floral business for years (over 30) means that more likely than not, I have been in this business longer than most wedding planners have been out of diapers, OR picked up the planning career after retiring from a NOT SO FUN JOB! I think it is wonderful if what you do for a living is also your fun time. Sure does make your work life a lot easier to deal with. But in that respect, you can't hand off your duties when it becomes not so fun, especially if you have been paid for a whole job.

Planners, HEAR ME. We of the wedding industry do not find your bad behavior cute, nor do we like being second guessed on what we know works. Talking down to any other vendor is NOT acceptable. We are there for the same reason you are, to make the bride and everything about that day shine! One more thing, taking credit for what the other vendors do, not cool either, especially if you are a "DAY OF" planner.

You may thinK that I am anti-wedding planner. I am not. I have met some seriously wonderful wedding planners. But, yes, they are few and far between. Believe me when I say, if any of your vendors wrinkle their noses at the name you throw out as your "PLANNER", or the price goes up because of where your wedding is and who is helping you, ask WHY! There is normally a very good reason. No vendor wants to turn away business, but sometimes, being compensated at a really high rate is the only way to go when it comes to working with unreasonable planners.

Want the name of great wedding planner in Charleston? Tannis Jackson! Trust me, she may not remember me, but I remember her, and she is everything you need in a planner! Take your vendors seriously, none of us want anything but for your event to be perfect. And sometimes that may mean switching planners or cutting them loose all together. Good luck, and happy wedding!

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Yes, I did.: TESTING, THIS IS JUST A TEST

Yes, I did.: TESTING, THIS IS JUST A TEST: I'll start. I was given up for adoption May 6, 1967 by K. Thomas, now K. Gaddis. I have one biological brother who is 11 months young...

TESTING, THIS IS JUST A TEST



I'll start. I was given up for adoption May 6, 1967 by K. Thomas, now K. Gaddis. I have one biological brother who is 11 months younger than me, his name is Thomas Hagler. They both live in Columbia SC. For years I tried to make contact. The first time was because my youngest son was plagued with medical disorders and I wanted a family background. I was told by Kaye, "I didn't want you then and I don't want you now.". That being said, I wasn't asking to be wanted, I was asking to have medical records, of that she finally agreed but never provided. I have been her dirty little secret for years, but no more. I find myself being lifted by those words now. I was asked recently not to cause harm, and I didn't. But no where in any of the discussions was I ever asked if I had been harmed. Well, when you are thrown away like trash, it does something to you.. Call it harm, call it a blow to the ego, whatever. Well no more. I am no ones secret. I am a valid human being and I WILL be treated as such.
So for all my adopted friends or friends of the adopted, march forward in your validity! Know your worth. KNOW that you matter!



These words, these names, this crappy ass story. Well, they are all true. But there is more that is true. 

The truth is, I did want to be wanted, missed, anything. For years I tried to act big and bad like it didn't really hurt. It made no difference to me if they fell off the planet...but how could they be so cold to a child? MY child was taken care of. I always made sure of that. It was the child still inside of me that felt neglected, left out and thrown away. 

For years, actually ever sense I can remember, I have never bonded with people. As a child I tried my best to blend in, not be noticed.  As a result, looking back, I realized that the friends I thought I had were never really close, best kind of friends. I had been successful in going practically, completely un-noticed. 

I rode horses as a child, and even worked my way up to AQHA shows, and won. I won a lot. But I never felt good about it. It didn't make me happy. I won awards after awards and it never seemed to be anything magical and joyous about it. It seemed like it was expected, something I had to do. 

I started painting and drawing as a child as well. That I enjoyed, a lot. I thought that one year I would draw everyone in my family something that they could keep. I even had it framed. THAT wasn't good enough. I know, right now you think that maybe "she" wasn't that good. Well maybe, but I had already sold several of my works and for a good amount of money. So something told me, it wasn't that they weren't good enough, it just that I hadn't gone the store a purchased anything. If it wasn't expensive, fake or in the BOX it wasn't good enough. So you see, all of my life, the things I liked, the person I was, it was just never good enough. Not for my adopted family, birth family, and in my mind, pretty much the entire human race. 

I have been trying for years now to rewire my thinking. I know I am good enough, sometimes. The rewiring is taking a little more time than expected. It's just real hard to take everything you ever thought, felt, and were told for 30 some years and rebuild a person into someone who knows how to love, stand in the light and doesn't mind being noticed. I still suffer bouts of awful depression. Asking myself why, and learning to let go. To get better, I had to let go of some of my adopted family. Oddly enough, that was the precise moment I started to really get better. I am not all the way to the good yet, but I am on my way. I no longer practice self loathing on a daily basis. 

I own a business now. One I am quite proud of, until of course I have a slow time. Then, with all the magical things I learned as a child, I am convinced that I am just not good enough. This is one the hardest things to battle through. But once I come though it, we are rocking and rolling again. Business is tough, and I have to remind myself of that. I am a fighter, and I will succeed at this...I know this. But in that little girl's mind that still lives in me, well she has to be reminded that she is not something that can just be thrown away. It is okay to excel at what I do and be VERY good at something. And most of all, it is okay to be me.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Yes, I did.: Honey

Yes, I did.: Honey: Sitting here I keep trying to see the signs that are said to be laid before me. Signs that will help guide me into something bigger than I c...

Honey

Sitting here I keep trying to see the signs that are said to be laid before me. Signs that will help guide me into something bigger than I can even imagine. And I look up, and what is straight before me. It's been there for weeks and I look at it everyday. But still I had no clue. It is a picture of my son.

For those of you who don't know, he is in prison. And this picture, in all it's fabulousness....is in the prison, in his prison uniform. But there is a catch. What strikes me most about this picture, is the smile on his face. Not a smile just for the camera, but a smile for me. A grand smile of love. He knows his surroundings, he knows what brought him to this point, but still, in the midst of it all, he smiles.

It is a choice, screams the voice from my soul. It is an absolute choice, with no regard of time,space, or the choices you've made before. Down to this precise moment in time, we choose happiness or misery. Nothing changes through our misery, it may not even change through our happiness....but our happiness begets love. Happiness is the honey of our lives.

I have wondered and blundered through my life for years, always seeking the answers. Asking, praying,,,,,even begging. And in one clear moment, with one smile, one tear from his mother, it is all clearer than ever before. Just choose happiness.

I have watched as others have stumbled down the road to happiness and noticed a similar trait in most. The inability to face their truth. The truth doesn't waiver, or bend for anyone. It can't change to make us feel better. The truth will always be simple, unpersuasive, and real. When we except the truth, on truths terms, that is when we can start to unravel our happiness.

I recently tried to help someone. I had conditions, and I was clear about them. I know, you say, helping doesn't have conditions. Well then I will say, I set boundaries on what my limits would be. First, there would be NO LYING. Second, NO DISRESPECTFUL BEHAVIOUR. Third, the place that she was running from could not be revisited. In one day, she lied to me, disrespected herself as well as me, and revisited the place in which she had been hiding from. Screaming at me, she said, "You don't know MY truth". But what I realized, after listening to her profusely spout all the open minded garb, spiritual blah, blah blah, is that garb was exactly what is was for her. Because I held tight to our agreement, I refused to be her rest spot until arrangements could be made for her to return to the home she had run from, I had now become the enemy, again. I was not her enemy, the truth was.

After that experience, I realized, I will not accomplish anything fruitful unless I keep the truth with me and in me. The truth is the root on which I am able the choose my happiness.  Life is a grand adventure, and who wants theirs to be rooted in misery? Not me.

So, with a sweet smile from someone who chose happiness, I awoke, finally realizing what the universe, God, and all of my sweet angels have been trying to tell me. I have the choice, no matter where I am, who I am with, or what circumstances may lie before me. Just simply, I am the maker and keeper of my happiness. And, I sure do like honey, don't you?

Isn't it Funny

 Life is funny. We get fat, we get skinny. One day you cut all of your hair off, the nest you're growing it out. Some days I feel like a...