Yes, I did.: kindness matters

Yes, I did.: kindness matters: I have noticed lately that kindness is either taken for granted or mistaken for a flaw. None of which is true. We all deserve kindness from ...

kindness matters

I have noticed lately that kindness is either taken for granted or mistaken for a flaw. None of which is true. We all deserve kindness from our fellow man, but more often than not we do not get it. I am sure it is all because of the first sentence I wrote.

As humans we learn so much by action. You put you hand on the stove and it's hot, you probably wont make that mistake again. You lend a friend money never to see the money or what you thought was your friend again. Time after time we are burnt, and usually because we were kind or ignorant.
Well I believe it to be the latter.

Ignorance is bliss isn't it? As long as we proclaim we didn't "think" such a scenario would occur, we by reasoning can claim "ignorance". Ignorance is in no way to be confused with insanity or stupidity, right?  Wrong!!! 

Let's , for the sake of argument throw one of these scenarios at the wall and see if it sticks..Are you with me? Okay then let's proceed.

I, being of what I assume to be of sane mind and body, ask someone I think a great deal of for help. Now let's say, 9 out of ten times, I have been let down by this person. But because "I" want to trust this person, I believe, yet again, this person will do what she says she will do. Can I now, once again being let down, claim ignorance to the fact this person is unreliable? Well of course not. But who is to blame here. Me, knowing that I can't count on this person's word, or the person who keeps breaking the commitment? I have to argue, it would most definitely be "ME".

I know by now you think I am off track, but stick with me, you'll see my most undeniable point surface soon.

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME, and me again and again. That's usually the basic need of most humans, to, as always, satisfy a need to please, ME. Not me silly. Each one of us think of ourselves first. If you ask someone for help, it's for you. You help someone, then they owe you a favor. It always falls back to the center of your universe....and my friend, we are all guilty. The center of our universe is usually ourselves. I believe in scientific terms, the ID.

Now, here we are at my point. Kindness, yes true kindness isn't about me, or you. It is simply about our compassion for our fellow man. Unfortunately, we are a society that has not grown out of the ID part of our lives. I don't have the answer to why that is, but I can only speculate how it may have happened.

We as parents are not teaching our children coping skills to become adults. We are not letting them take responsibility for their actions, pay their way, or feel their way through raw emotion. It is, I believe, a problem that has to be stopped.

As a nation, we have all done away with basic principles to raising our children. We make excuses for everything they do. I for one am tired of hearing issues are because of their mom or  dad. Really? You are forty years old, can't keep a job and still blame your parents for being a sorry excuse? We have to take back our rolls as parents and parent our children, or unfortunately the ID's of the world will never know how to be kind or compassionate. It's through mistakes that we learn.

So now, what did I do about my STUPIDITY? Well, because I became angry, I knew I could no longer be kind, so I stepped away. The person suffering from the ID complex is someone that I failed. I always made excuses for her, always stepped in and tried to fight her battles. In retrospect, because I failed, I tried to overextend myself on her behalf. She learned from me, she didn't have to be responsible, and hurting people was no big deal, I would always make an excuse for it. It is and will remain all about her until she grows out of her ID state I created.

People, if we don't start taking back parenting, and stop letting this crazy world dictate to us it is acceptable to make excuses for our children, kindness and compassion may be lost forever. I can't live with that.

I will forever try, to show kindness and compassion where ever I can. I will try harder, even if it is a bit uncomfortable, to recognize ignorance and stupidity for what they truly are. But most of all, I will let  my children take responsibility for their lives. I want nothing more for them but to be kind and compassionate humans, and that is where they must grow out of their ID complex. That is a journey only they can make, without excuses.

So in closing, my kindness? To love without fail, but to let go because the lessons they learn will teach them to, love without fail.

Yes, I did.: Giant leap of faith

Yes, I did.: Giant leap of faith: I know it seems cliche', the whole "leap of faith" saying, but it's true. At the very time my life seemed to be on the rig...

Giant leap of faith

I know it seems cliche', the whole "leap of faith" saying, but it's true. At the very time my life seemed to be on the right path, there it was, this crazy idea, that somehow, I felt was possible. Wasn't exactly sure how I was going to manage, but I was excited all the same. I put everything on the line to make my dream a reality. Did I say EVERYTHING?

Opening a business in today's world seems out of focus and completely crazy, but I have to work. Finding suitable work in the small town we moved to was out of the question. I have always been a creator, and nothing else has ever really filled that void in me, or made me want to get up and go to work. Working for other people in Charleston, SC was fine, but definitely not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Living and working for their dreams was just utter bullshit. I was taken advantage of, lied to, shoved under to many buses to count, and I was emotionally exhausted. I started to hate work, and that's just not me. So moving to this little town, I had the opportunity once again, to help someone else' dreams come true. Well, not this time sissy. I was on my own and ready.

I am a very lucky woman to be able to say, my husbands family is incredible! Not many girls will say they have a great mother in law, but I can and do. I love my father in law like my own father, and that is a tremendous gift I do no take for granted! Without this extreme support, and dinners, and frozen goodies, and the list goes on, we couldn't even begin to work toward this wonderful, scary dream.

On this miraculous journey, many things have come to fruition. First, we are here, Garden House Floral Studio exists! Okay, with that being said, creating this little shop was the easy part. Everything, and I mean, everything fell into place. Second, getting noticed by the locals, not so much. Yep, I live in a little town, and it has all the joys, AND quirks, all little towns suffer. It's nobody's fault, it's just the way it works. Have you ever watched "Heart of Dixie"? Well I feel like Dr. Hart, on steroids. I have learned, I have to earn their trust, and that just takes a while. I have faith in my ability to provide this town with an outstanding product, now "THEY" need time to have the same faith. OH, by the way, THEY WILL!

Since I opened several months ago, I have managed to gain some fans for my fan club, but there is more to be done. I do not wish to put anyone out of business or trample their sense of well being, but I do plan earning the respect and business of many more locals. I opened this business because I love what I do and I love the creative vibe that "IS" Garden House. I am still small, and can handle most daily affairs by myself, but that's changing. I will need help soon. So, yes, I am growing, slowly but surely!

I am a resident of this small town, and will surely be considered a local before too long. I think that's the day I will call my graduation. That is the day, my giant leap of faith will truly be worthwhile.
I know I can be what this town expects of me, and I expect that I may even surprise some of the locals. I have much to give, and so much learn. But I AM HERE! That's it.

So in my giant leap of faith, I opened a business in a small town, where no-one really knew me. Am I insane? Nope, I love this town, and I want nothing more than to find my dreams coming true here, with some of the kindest, most generous, caring people I have ever met. I have much to offer, and a lot to say, and I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be to share what I have. In, my giant leap of faith, I drug my Brailsford family along for the ride. It's been bumpy, but like all fun rides, that's what makes it exciting!

So here's to this wonderful small town, my giant leap of faith, and to everyone who has ever had a dream. It's always good to feel a little fear, it reminds us to live, fight for what we want, and always be grateful for the people who love us! I am getting ready to rock this place out! You can either join my dance, or stay glued to the wall. Either way.....I am rocking on, and spreading the pretty!

Yes, I did.: Finding Humble

Yes, I did.: Finding Humble: This day like all other starts out with me waking at the crack of dawn, and fighting with my mind just to take a little nap before 7:30 AM. ...

Finding Humble

This day like all other starts out with me waking at the crack of dawn, and fighting with my mind just to take a little nap before 7:30 AM. I hear as women get older, it is extremely  normal to have sleep problems. As normal as it is, it still sucks!

Every morning my brain wakes, but my body doesn't agree. It's a battle that frustrates me, and is making my mood increasingly foul. It leaves me feeling useless, but I know, keep fighting and pushing forward, and this too shall pass.

As I mentioned earlier, this seems to be a normal sleep pattern with older women. Well can't say that I think of myself as older, but it's true. "OLDER!",doesn't mean I like it. However, this is a problem I have always had. Can't sleep, always thinking. I have always had to do sleep therapy. Talking to myself, transporting my mind to somewhere that is quiet and serene. My place......the hammock in my old yard.

My hammock was in between two trees in the middle of my fern garden. That very same garden included our gazebo, and a play house for my grandchildren. I hung jewels in the trees that caught light, and sparkled, transporting my grand daughter into her fairy garden. It was magical. It was mine to be enjoyed any time I wanted, and I did.Lush and green, it was sweet and warm, inviting. Gentle fern curls all around with their mother plants cradling them in softness. Sunset was magical, with the jewels flickering color and light through out the green leaves of the trees. I swear, we hosted several families of fairies, and sometimes my Phalyn and I would leave out treats just so they knew we liked them there.

The smell of that garden is what I miss most. Always fragrant, with a light sweetness in the air that put you right at ease.It is a smell that can never be duplicated.

With a couple of bad decisions, and a wrong turn, it's all gone. I will never be able to enjoy that sweetness again.

As much as I loved that place, I have found a humbleness in my heart that wasn't there then. As beautiful as it was, I still really wasn't happy. I thought happiness was all about being right, and knowing I was on the path to having MORE.

I have learned through losing it all, I have more than just a beautiful shade garden. I have love for myself and the people around me. Learning to live in the moment, even with sleep problems. And even now, being considered an older woman, I am blessed just to be older. I appreciate every moment, frustrations and all. And above everything, I still have that memory of my hammock, sweet smells, and a gentle breeze, that help transport me to a place I can sleep.

By the way, I kept the chairs.

Birth Announcement

As time passes my mind grows weary of horrid people. People who make horrid choices and leave people in the wreckage that harms , from those choices. You know, they only think of themselves and never the damages they leave behind.

I like to think of myself as a forward thinker. Always trying to find the best of situations. Always giving second, third, and even 12th chances. But in that I have found, some situations can't be fixed. Sometimes, some of those people are truly just as horrid and the choices they make.

I could tell you my story once more, but honestly, it is starting to bore me. I will only tell you now of the horrid people I know exist.

Kaye Gaddis and R. Thomas Hagler. Those names mean nothing to you, but to me, it is all that is ugly in this world. Kaye is my birth mother and Thomas is my 100% blood brother. Someone said, you can't say that, it would cause harm. Well if the truth is harmful, I say buck up, and take the truth pony for a freaking ride!

I found my birth mother years ago and found out soon after, that she had married my biological father because of another pregnancy that lead to Thomas. Can't say much about the father figure other than he ran out on them too. Yep, the beginnings of a pretty wretched life for all of us. However, I was the only secret. She gave me away to stay with him, and got pregnant again to keep him. It seems, she's always been  calculating, and I was the only thing that went as planned...JUST GONE.

I needed medical records from her, and she couldn't even find it in her cold heart to do that. I am still asked to this day about family history, and still the same answer. I dont have any. Makes you wonder about a human being like that. Makes me wonder about what I am capable of.

Well I dont wonder any more. I knew a long time ago that I was a secret she didn't want anyone to know. She was ashamed of me. And all along, it was she that should have been ashamed of herself.
If I even could possibly bump into them, I always gave them warning, or just didn't go where the may be. I was told many times that coming near them would cause them harm, and how dare me.

Well folks, Kaye Gaddis and Thomas Hagler, it's no longer a question.. I will go where I like and share the wonderful news...It's a girl. I am NO ONES secret. My life matters, and your concerns dont. It's time for the birth announcement...and I am proud to say,
                     Born May 6th, 1967 a beautiful
                                        baby girl!
                                       Helen Ann
  Born to Kaye Thomas and Roger Hagler

And the best news of all.....I forgive you, but I will not be your secret.