Expectations

Have you ever had your heart broken. Broken for no other reason than expectations. This seems to be the primary reason for most of my heartbreak. My expectations of peoples behaviors far outweighs their ability to perform. Sounds kind of like clowns in a circus, but in actuality, I am the clown.

My life has lead me down many different paths, and provided a lot of stimulus for maintaining a high standard in which my friends and family should adhere. I know, it's ridiculous, but aren't we all guilty of this. At some time in your life you've given of yourself and thought that it would surely be returned. Yeah, that makes us all clowns. And I guess this is the circus of our creation.

I assume, yes assume, that most people are provided at birth some since of  moral compass. Well, at 51, I finally realize that is just not the case. What I perceive to be OK and right, may not be the same for the other person or persons. I feel stealing is wrong, but to some, it just seems like another way to obtain things. I also don't like lying. I think by nature, it confuses and belittles us as human beings. Every animal in nature gets through life without lying, why then do humans feel it to be so necessary? It's much easier to be truthful, and just be real, than to make up a false persona and have to remember each and every step in said lie. Once a lie has been discovered, you can never be trusted again. And here's another thing, the people who lie, also get very angry when their lies have been discovered. It's like saying, "oh shit, you caught me, but it's YOUR fault for the disbelief. How dare you question me!". And sometimes, you, as the victim of the lie, don't you feel guilty for hurting the deceiver by knowing the truth? It's crazy!

Well, here I sit, one more time feeling guilty for knowing the truth. Knowing that I was used and lied to. The whole time, this person has shown me over and over who they are. That in the terms of a moral compass, they do not come equipped with one. If it's mine and you want it, you just take it. I feel guilty for hurting this person who, in their whole life, has always been a taker, a thief, and a liar. Someone said a sociopath. That may be.. but yet I still feel guilty. I was the one manipulated and lied to, and I feel guilty. Funny how those selfish asswipes can turn it all around on you, and funny how we let them.

It's time to pull up the big girl panties and face this nonsense head on. People only treat you how you teach them to treat you. If you look the other way and do not hold these people accountable, then they in turn, do not ever expect to be held accountable. I like to think I am caring, but I also realize by caring, my emotional blinders have been activated. Time to deactivate. Time to move forward and get on with life without having to feel guilty for being a decent human being.  Just because I care does not give anyone the right to abuse my kindness. Kindness will win. I will win!

Just remember, a liar is going to lie. A thief is going to steal, and your expectations will break your heart every time.